Feel Like A Monster
by SwitchbladeSister
Summary: Written to 'Monster' by Skillet.


This is slightly AU to make my idea fit better. I hope you like it regardless. ~

* * *

Usually the songs I sing are just random things I threw together. Some don't even make sense, but that doesn't mean they aren't liked. I'm not bragging but I do have a fuck ton of fans, both because I am able to sing and because I'm fairly attractive. Most of my fans are girls, but there are a large amount of guys as well. You might be a little jealous now, but don't because I would happily swap places with someone if I could.

Tom knocks on the door telling me it's time to get up on stage for tonight's performance. I sigh and get up from the chair I was sitting in and head out. I decide that tonight I will open up with a song I have yet to sing before. It's a risk but I don't care, I don't need them to like it, it's a song I want to sing. I mention it to the guys playing the music, they know what kind of music I want them to play, good that saves me having to explain.

I get up on stage, ignoring the applause and whistles. Hopefully they will be surprised with this song. I nod toward the band for them to begin, almost immediately the crowd are interested, already able to tell this song is different to the ones I usually perform. They become even more interested when I begin to sing.

"The secret side of me I never let you see

I keep it caged, but I can't control it

So stay away from me, the beast is ugly

I feel the rage and I just can't hold it"

Now this isn't a lie I in a way have two sides. There's the side all my fans see, the calm singer, then there is me when I'm pissed off. Thankfully it doesn't happen too often. Once I am angry, that's it. Shizuo Heiwajima is the personification of violence when angered. I can throw vending machines and pull stop signs from the ground.

"It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls

It comes awake, and I can't control it

Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head

Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?"

On an everyday basis it hides within, but when I start getting annoyed, it awakes and I cannot stop it. I am helpless when it appears. No one in this crowd would suspect it. My younger brother Kasuka knows about me though, he's seen it. Once I tried to hit him with a fridge just because he ate my pudding. The other time…

"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster"

I didn't mean to hurt her; I tried to help her dammit. Some guys were trying to rob her shop or something. I couldn't just walk by… I was only a little kid but it pissed me off seeing these guys do that to such a kind lady. I remember snapping the stick of the lollipop I was holding then it was just a blur of anger.

"I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster"

After she and the guys were in pain on the floor. I had pretty much ended up wrecking her shop and I couldn't stop myself, she had got caught up too…. After that day I tried my hardest to avoid becoming enraged, it's worked for the most part. During my years at school I did lose it a few times, then when I got to Raira… My god I lost it so many times. That was all because of one guy.

"My secret side I keep hid under lock and key

I keep it caged, but I can't control it

'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down

Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?"

All because of one asshole, I would snap almost every day. His name is Izaya Orihara and it was my good friend Shinra who introduced us. I wonder if he regrets that, I hope he does. See the thing is with Izaya, he pisses me off to no end yet I can't get him. If I'm lucky I hit him every once in a while, but other than that he manages to dodge everything I throw! Thankfully I have not seen him for a while so as far as my fans are concerned, I'm a normal, calm guy. But each time I so much as saw the flea…

"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster"

I'd just snap. It got to the point where he didn't even need to do anything to anger me. Just seeing his face with that stupid arrogant smirk was enough.

"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster"

Anytime he appeared. Anywhere I saw him. I'd end up chasing him, throwing anything I could get my hands on at him. He would manage to dodge every last object, sometimes he managed to get close to me and cut me. He always carried a switchblade with him, he cut me pretty good the day I met him. I have a scar across my chest now.

"It's hiding in the dark; its teeth are razor sharp

There's no escape for me, it wants my soul it wants my heart

No one can hear me scream; maybe it's just a dream

Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster"

I know I'll never escape it though; it will always be a part of me. It won't stop until one day I lose it entirely, that day I will most likely kill someone. The thought of that alone scares me, I hate violence but if someone sees me like that they assume that I have a choice, that I want to be like this. I wish someone was able to help me, but I don't know how anyone could.

"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster"

Now there should be more to this song, but I am unable to sing it. I feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins and it isn't because of the response of the crowd. They loved my performance, but I don't care right now. I bet he planned this, though how could he? He didn't know I was going to sing this song. He must have a strange sense of timing then, for at the back of the crowd, I can see the trademark smirk of the one guy who manages to get under my skin without even needing to try.

I force myself to calmly exit the stage, only to leave through a side exit to reach outside, knowing he would have done the same. Walking around to the other side of the building, I spot him. He was casually leaning against the wall as if nothing mattered. As if he didn't have someone wanting to smash his head into the very wall he was against.

"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin" I can't calm myself down, this is what I meant when I said he cause me to lose it. Every time I see him, it's the same.

"I must confess that I feel like a monster" I know I said I hate violence, and that's true, but right now I really want nothing more than to hurt Izaya. To see him still smirking at me only serves to infuriate me further, what has got to be smirking about?

"I'm gonna lose control, here's something radical" I walk over to him and while many would be terrified of me when I'm angry, Izaya doesn't even blink. He isn't afraid of me in the slightest. He calmly retrieves that god-forsaken switchblade from the pocket of his ridiculous hooded jacket. He points it at me and I heard some stupid taunt fall from his twisted mouth. I don't even need to think twice before I have uprooted a sign from the ground and begun chasing him with the sole intent of bashing in his skull.

"I must confess that I feel like a monster" I've always thought myself as one, why stop now? That's the last thought before my mind switches off to allow me to focus on Izaya. Maybe this time I'll get lucky and hit him, not likely.

"I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster"


End file.
